


sunshine

by somethingsinister



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, ahaha welcome to my coping mechanism, idk what to tag help, past trauma, smart Jaskier/Dandelion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23859082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somethingsinister/pseuds/somethingsinister
Summary: Geralt and Jaskier meet again, but Jaskier starts having nightmares almost every night. Geralt wants to help, but Jaskier doesn't want to be helped.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 2
Kudos: 51





	sunshine

A small tune reaching his ears, Geralt knew it was him. The town had just come to his sight, all his senses focusing on it for a moment. It could have been any bard, just like in all the other towns he’s come across the last few months, but he would always recognize that voice. He did not go any faster though, he already travelled the whole day since dawn and Roach as well as Geralt himself was tired. He reached the town just before the sun settled, fed Roach and entered the inn he heard the singing coming from.

It wasn’t hard to spot Jaskier, he was singing, had a beaming smile on his lips and was dancing in charming moves on the little space he’d been given. His eyes started to shine and sparkle even more when he saw Geralt entering and batted his eyelashes at him. Geralt rolled his eyes but couldn’t help a smile. He hadn’t seen the bard for quite some time and even though they parted on good terms, he couldn’t help but miss the bard. It was good to see him again. He was as lively as always, never changing. Geralt still didn’t understand how Jaskier managed to always be so happy by just being himself, but he supposed it was just the personality of the poet. He didn’t mind though, it was probably good for himself to have someone like the bard at his side.

Geralt ordered a beer and sat down in the darkest corner, not wanting to be noticed. He watched Jaskier performing while sipping his beer. As soon as Jaskier had finished, he came over to Geralt with two beers, shoving one of them into Geralt’s’ hands.

“Good to see you again, Geralt! Tell me, what’s brought you here?”

“Good to see you too, Jaskier. I came to babysit you” he laughed lightly and took a sip of his beer while Jaskier pouted, acting like he was insulted.

“Oh, come on, don’t give me that face” Geralt still smiled. “No, I don’t really have a destination right now. Just seeing if here’s anything to do. Any money to earn. You know, just Witcher things.”

“Yeah, well you made me think for just a second that you actually came for me, babysitting or not.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you were here until I heard you.”

“Do I sing that good you actually hear me miles away?”

“I didn’t say when I heard you, also don’t you forget I have better hearing.”

“But my lovely voice can’t be not heard!” The poet insisted.

Geralt didn’t answer but took a long sip from his beer.

“Hey, I already have a room paid here. You could join me. You wouldn’t have to pay for it” the bard suggested, “It’s cheaper for the both of us”

Geralt agreed, and when they finished their beer, they went straight to Jaskiers room, both clearly needing the rest.

They started to travel together again, the poet needed new inspiration for his ballads, new heroics to write about and Geralt had missed his travel companion. They took off early in the mornings and travelled until the sun was settling again, putting up a small camp every time they didn’t reach a town.

They travelled for more than a year together now, growing closer than they’d ever been. They didn’t need to talk over many situations now, they knew what the other one would do and could react with that knowledge. Geralt had to admit, travelling had never been more relaxing. Even though the two understood each other through actions and looks, Geralt still wondered how much Jaskier could talk.

What if he had told Geralt one day everything he could tell? What if Jaskier grew quiet? But this man, Geralt argued internally, could not shut up. And never would. It was just impossible to get him to shut up.

Although, he learned to stay silent when needed, and Geralt was more than grateful for that. It made it even easier to take Jaskier on a hunt, the bard knew how to sit nearly invisible in the bushes and take notes as noiselessly as possible. Geralt didn’t need to worry about him and the bard could happily write his ballads, bringing even more fame to them, although they avoided towns rather than approach them. Their life was good out there. Geralt never really liked being around humans and Jaskier hadn’t finished his newest ballad yet so he didn’t see any necessity in going there either.

Although, through all this time they spent together, they got to know each other better than anyone else ever would. They didn’t need words to tell each other how much they cared for, how deeply they loved each other.

_“Hey Geralt” the bard said, lying next to Geralt one evening “you said you’ve come to babysit me”_

_“What’s your point?” Geralt grunted, clearly tired._

_“can you give me a good night kiss? Babies need those…”_

_Geralt knew, the bard wouldn’t stop asking for it until he got one, and Geralt needed to sleep, so he just went over to give the poet a little peck on his cheek._

_And it had quickly gotten a habit._

Just like Jaskier would give him a little kiss for good luck every time Geralt went on a hunt and hug him when he came back, no matter how dirty he was and putting him into an already prepared bath, also joining him to get the dirt off himself.

Just like them both curling up around each other all those cold nights they spent sleeping outside.

Just like them calming each other after having a nightmare. And Jaskier started having more and more lately. Geralt didn’t notice the first few times, it wasn’t unusual for the poet to have nightmares sometimes, and Geralt would have lied if he said he didn’t have some himself. But when Jaskier woke up sweating nearly every night, Geralt started to seriously worry.

“Jaskier, damnit, wake up!” he shook the bard until his eyes flew open, panting. “It’s alright, calm down. I’m here.”

“Fuck off!” scared, with a broken voice, the bard not recognizable. “Get away from me!” 

“Hey, Jaskier, listen to me!”

The bard was out of his mind, overtaken by fear Geralt had no idea where it came from.

Jaskier always told him to fuck off, but every time he went just one step back, the bard basically begged to not leave him. Geralt was used to dealing with that. But what bothered him the most was that in the morning, Jaskier didn’t seem to remember. Geralt thought about talking to him about that, but didn’t want to change the relationship they’ve built, so he just kept quiet. The bard woke up in the morning being his old self, as if those nightmares he tended to have every night didn’t exist. He just went on, joyful as ever.

So Geralt decided to try something new this time. He slapped Jaskier lightly. “Wake up!”

He shook, then looked at an even more terrified bard. Fuck. He looked away, not being able to endure the sight, when a small, insecure voice called his name.

“Geralt?”

The bard seemed to have come to his senses, mostly. “Geralt, what happened?”

“you, uh… you had a nightmare” Geralt said quietly, turning his gaze back to the bard that still looked terrified at him.

“I- I know” the bard said. “I remember. I’ve had them all the time now, didn’t I?”

“You… you know?”

“Not really, no. I do not remember. It was a more logical conclusion”

Geralt nodded, uncertain of what to say next. “Do you… like, wanna talk about it? Like we talked about mine?”

Jaskier went quiet for a moment. “I… I honestly do not know…” Geralt hated the way Jaskier felt so terrified and unstable. It was awful, nothing like the bard he knew.

“It helped me, and I do not want you to have nightmares all the time. I know how exhausting they can be, and I’m impressed how much energy you’ve got-”

“I don’t” the Bard interrupted him. “…I don’t have the energy.”

“Then how the fuck do you keep going every day, energetic as hell?”

“I’ve got something to keep me going with you.”

“Is it related to the nightmares?”

“Yes”

“Do you want to talk about it? It can’t get worse, can it?”

“It can… I’ll keep it at a level it most likely won’t. But don’t you dare to ask any questions”

“I promise I won’t”

“good” the poet nodded slightly, also to encourage himself. “You know, I’ve always liked reading. As a kid, I’ve read every book I could get into my hands, and… I once found a diary. It told awful things. And… something lately triggers the memories of it to come up again… That’s what causes the nightmares.”

“See? Talking about it isn’t that hard, is it?” Geralt encouraged the bard, knowing the bard knew more. More, he didn’t want to talk about. But it worked to some degree, the bard continued his little story.

“You were wondering where I get my energy from. I honestly don’t have any left. But I stand up every morning, keep going and all this stuff. Reading the diary, I realized a lot of things. I… know I’m in no position to prevent shit. It keeps happening, over and over, there’s no stopping it. Nobody’s ever lived without making a decision they regret, without something terrible happening to them. That’s not how living works. I’m here to know nobody’s had the perfect life, but I give them the joy they need to keep going, the sunshine they need to warm themselves up with and the light at the end of the darkness, showing them there’s still hope. That’s what drives me forward. I know I can’t make everyone happy for all the time, but the small moments are worth trying and trying to make someone’s day better. If its just one day, its better than nothing, isn’t it?”

“Is this why you chose me? Of all people to run around with?”

“I said no questions. I’m exhausted. Go back to sleep, I’ll be good.”

Geralt hummed in agreement, lying down next to Jaskier and drifting to sleep again.

The next morning they went on the road, Jaskier was unusually quiet. He was absently strumming his lute from time to time, but otherwise didn’t talk or sing.

They put up their camp at the end of the day, Geralt lighted a fire and still had some food from yesterday they could share. Geralt was relieved he didn’t need to leave the poet.

“Jaskier, you need to eat something”

“I can’t”

“You’ll starve. C’mere, do I have to feed the baby now?” Geralt teased, but Jaskier shrunk even more into his already small body.

“It’d be a waste. I can’t down it, and you should keep it instead of letting me puke it somewhere.”

“But drink some water at least. We’ll rest tomorrow, you need it.” Geralt couldn’t see Jaskiers face anymore, so he couldn’t say how the bard reacted. But he hoped it would help.

They both fell quiet until Jaskier murmured “how am I supposed to be a sunshine like this? I don’t shine anymore, the light’s broken open, giving away what’s underneath”

If Geralt hadn’t had his enhanced hearing, he wouldn’t have heard the poet in first place, but this was new. Geralt was honestly shocked.

“You don’t need to shine” Geralt said, putting his hand onto Jaskiers head. The bard flinched barely noticeable at the touch but stayed put, stiff and tense.

“You don’t understand” the bard mumbled into himself. “It’s everything that drives me forward. I can’t go on without it. It’s what I am”

“Jaskier-”

“It was my own diary!” He cried out, starting to sob and shake uncontrollably.

Geralt wanted to hug Jaskier but was pushed back. The bard gathered himself quickly, suggesting for both of them to go to sleep. Geralt agreed, although he was having a bad feeling about it, but they needed the rest.

Geralt woke up in the middle of the night knowing something was terribly wrong. He sat up and noticed the gap next to him.

“Fuck” he groaned, getting up as fast as he’d never managed to. He looked around, all his senses trying to find a hint of where the bard could possibly have gone to.

The sweet scent still fresh lingering in the air, it wasn’t difficult to follow it to see Jaskier sitting at a cliff, under it only the black shining depths of the ocean, reflecting the silver glistering light of the moon up above.

“Jaskier!” he called out. The bard looked up, the surprise wiped off his face in a moment.

“I knew you’d eventually wake up” the poet said calmly while standing up.

Geralt felt all the unspoken words hovering between them but couldn’t grab them to understand. The poet, a master of words, was controlling them, and he didn’t want Geralt to see any of these unspoken truths that needed to be told.

“Jaskier, can’t we talk about it?”

“We can, but there are a few conditions. I won’t leave this place here and don’t you dare go one more step. Please, just keep this distance. Also, don’t go back please.”

Geralt nodded. Even if these were strange conditions for talking, he’d do it if it meant the bard would finally talk.

“Great” Jaskier smiled, looking up at the moon. He seemed so light-hearted at once.

Geralt swallowed down his doubts, worries and questions, convincing himself the bard was fine again.

“Everyone was a kid once. Kids do naïve things. And I wasn’t different, I guess. Anyways, I’ve always loved music. My parents didn’t approve of it, saying it is a disgraceful thing to spend my time with, calling my poetry and songs worthless. I went away to Oxenfurt when I was old enough, studying… It was a good time” he added with an even bigger smile, loosing himself in the humid air of the night. “I’ve had fun and friends and enough bottles of vodka.” He laughed lightly. “Afterwards, I started travelling, singing songs, you know, being a bard and all that stuff.” He paused for a bit. “Ugh, I was so unexperienced. I’ve never gotten any positivity to any of my songs. Once, a guy praised all my works, and I was really flattered and all, you know, and he wanted to learn from me. We decided to meet in his room that evening. He didn’t want to learn” his face and voice were soaked with bitterness and a light note of anger. “He didn’t care for my music at all. He didn’t care for me in any way. All he wanted was my body. Heat, sweat, blood, cum, everything hurting – It was so disgusting. And I was defenseless against him. He was big, and strong and muscular… A bit like you but… human. He had full control of me, I was so scared of him. And he did everything with me, I couldn’t do anything against it... He had always made sure of that. I would have slit his throat open if I could, but there was no chance. Chains holding me back to go out of the room whenever he wasn’t there, nothing in this goddamn room. I was like a dog to him, being picked up when he felt like it. He wanted me to write a song. He bought me some clothes, wanting me to perform in Posada, convincing me that everyone should hear my awesome music. I knew he was lying, but it was a chance to get away. He watched me all the time. But when I saw you- you were my only hope, Geralt. I know people are afraid of Witchers, and I needed to use that and come with you to get away. And gods, I’m so glad it worked. But lately, you remind me more and more of him and I just can’t take it. It’s not your fault that you are big and muscular, you couldn’t have changed it. I may have known somewhere deep down that this time would eventually come, but I couldn’t stop following you around. You don’t know it, but you’ve saved me. You are what I call safety.” The bard smiled at Geralt for a moment. It was so much to process at once, too much. “Well, so when I started travelling with you, I bought myself a dagger the first town we stopped at. There could have always been a chance of meeting him again and I never wanted to be defenseless again. Although I probably am.”

“What… what about all the men accusing you of fucking all those girls, wives… It could not have been you!”

“It wasn’t me. After I went with you, he did everything to stop me, get me back. Telling lies about me is just harmless. I don’t know how much he’s actually done, if he hired bandits to kill us or something like that. I don’t want to know if I’m being honest.” The bard had pulled out the dagger by now, wielding it in his hand. “I’m so glad I never had to use this. Just the thought of it terrifies me. It’s good that it’s clean, I guess.” He tossed the dagger behind himself down the cliff, waiting until he heard the “splash” of it hitting the water. “May the fishes give it a better use” He smiled again, reflecting all the love of the world onto Geralt. “Nobody can prevent shit from happening. But afterwards, you live on. And I don’t want people to shrink into their bad memories. I wanted to give them joy and happiness, and if just for one moment, it’s worth it. I sing of you as the hero you are to me. I want the people to believe in heroes, too. Their biggest fear are monsters in those dark times, and if they have a hero shielding them, protecting them and eliminating the evil- it’s hope that makes their lives worth living for. You can’t survive without that sunshine. No matter how much darkness you are in, there’s always light in there. Because there can’t be darkness without light, and no light without darkness. There’re always things that make life worth living, and they’re worth nothing if there’s nothing bad that shows you to appreciate those little things. And, there’s barely that much good these times. I know, I wasn’t the first nor last to be raped and abused, but everyone needs to be shown that there’s more to living, that there’s still happiness and kindness in this world, that this world is not as cruel as you may believe sometimes.” The bard smiled content, as if he’d release everything his soul was made of, letting it fade into the darkness of the night.

“Jaskier-” even Geralt voice was broken, echoing soft and silent in Jaskiers ears.

Lifting his foot, through the air, just one step-

And so did Jaskier.

Geralt had forgotten the distance he was supposed to keep. He did one step, Jaskier did one, too.

Over the edge, toppling slowly

“I’ve always dreamed of flying” and he flew.

No extended arms, no jump forward, no quickly whispered pray was helping.

He was flying. Down and down and down.

Standing at the edge, like stone, unable to move, just looking down and down and down.

Splash.

He screamed until his throat hurt, until he had no more breath left in his lungs, until his vocal chords burst, until the sun rose slowly on the horizon, until there was nothing to scream for anymore.


End file.
